Ladyboy, Trans, Shemale, or Tranny? How to properly address ladyboys
Isn’t it annoying when other people mispronounce your name or write a different name on your Starbucks latte? How about when they refer to you as she, even though you’re a man? The person may have made an honest mistake but still, it produces a negative emotion. The same goes with transgender women who deal with people who don’t know how to properly address them.
Transgender women have been called different names such as transgender, transsexual, transwoman, TS, tranny, shemale, drag queen, and ladyboy. Each of them has their own preferences that depend on their experiences and background. Some terms may be outright offensive and others may be not depending on the situation. The goal is to learn how to properly address them to ensure that you leave a lasting impression to the women you’ll meet.
Through the years I’ve dated ladyboys, most of them were kind enough to explain how they want to be called. But this may not be the case for everyone especially for men who are out there looking for meaningful relationships with transgender women for the first time. If you have offended a transgender woman before due to lack of knowledge on how to properly address them, you always get a second chance to learn about them, their experiences, and how to improve.
Transgender
A transgender is a person whose gender identity does not conform to what society expects, which is mainly based on the assigned sex at birth. Transgender women are those born with the male genitalia but identify and live as women, hence prefer to be simply called women. This is the safest term you can use if you are not sure and if the other person has not yet communicated his or her preference.
Transsexual
This term has been used interchangeably with transgender but is kind of outdated as it refers more to sex than gender. It applies to people whose sex does not match the gender they identify with so they transition and undergo medical and other transformations to rectify it. Using this term is acceptable only when the other person prefers it.
Transvestite or Tranny
Transvestites or cross-dressers are those who clothe themselves in the same way as the opposite sex. Tranny is a derogatory slur that most transgender women find offensive, unless they clearly communicated their preference to use the term.
Drag Queen
Drag queens are usually male performers in entertainment bars who dramatize feminine behavior in an exaggerated fashion for fun. Although most are definitely male, it must not be discounted that there are drag queens who identify as transgender women.
Ladyboy
The use of this term may or may not be acceptable depending on where you are. In Asia (particularly in Thailand where the term is commonly used), calling a transgender woman ladyboy is generally okay. In western countries however, it is considered derogatory and offensive, as it is associated with pornography and prostitution. Using this term especially on the first date shows insensitivity towards the identity of the other person and lack of research. According to a transgender woman I dated for a long time, the term ladyboy reminds her that she is still trapped in a man’s body.
Shemale
If you want to get past the first date, do not use this term. Although this is a very popular word, it has a negative connotation and is highly offensive because it is exclusively used in pornography. It must not be used, even as a joke.
Conclusion
Apart from the proper use of these terms, pronouns are also important. Transgender women identify themselves as women so it is only logical to use she and her when referring to them.
If you are not one hundred percent sure how to properly address a transgender woman, there is no harm in asking them in a polite way. That is my secret in starting a great conversation with them as that gesture alone shows how I value their identity. Approaching transgender women with utmost respect and regard for their feelings not only shows that I am a gentleman but it paves way for a lasting friendship or relationship with them.