Am I gay because I am attracted to ladyboys?
This question has been in my mind for a long time although I identify as a straight man. Why? Because I have been dating ladyboys through the years and it’s really confusing. The feelings I have toward them, although euphoric, made me anxious and afraid, but not anymore.
As a straight man, I felt nervous that someone from my social circle would know about me dating a ladyboy, especially on my first ladyboy date. I think that I share this experience with other men too. I recognized that this type of fear is legitimate; it stems from the fact that not everyone understands the nuances surrounding sex, gender and dating. Personally, this held me back in terms of relationship progress, which I regret.
Considering myself a straight man before was not easy because I developed romantic feelings towards a ladyboy and I had limited information about them. To deal with the fear that’s been lingering around, I spent my 28th birthday alone to give myself time to ponder. I booked a hotel where I stayed for two days, room service and all.
I know that the source of my fear and confusion is lack of knowledge. Hence, my journey began with research. I checked online articles and forums concerning sex and gender and I was overwhelmed by the massive amount of available materials. My background working as an “IT Guy” came in handy. Next, I sorted the materials and started reading.
These are some of the things I found out during my birthday.
I am guilty of having used the terms sex and gender interchangeably, which should not be the case. To put things simply, sex is biological—whether you were born with male or female genitals at birth and has something to do with the XX or XY chromosomes. There is nothing you can do about this because it is set by nature. Gender however, is a more complicated thing. It is a complex relationship between our body, our identity, and how we express ourselves. It is an interaction between social, cultural, and psychological factors, among other things.
While sex and gender is already confusing for most, sexual orientation is another thing to consider. To differentiate it with gender, sexual orientation pertains to whom we are attracted to. This is where I begin to solidify my answer to the question considering that I am already attracted to a transgender. Simply put, a transgender woman is a woman who embraces femininity, in her soul and heart. Although born male, they identify and live as women.
The interplay between sex, gender, and sexual orientation gave me a clear understanding as to whether I am gay or not. There is no question that I am born as a male and that I identify myself as a straight man. The thing that confused me before is whether my gender identity would be influenced by the gender of the person I am attracted to. As per my research, it does not.
Thinking about these things during my birthday made me feel that there are others like me who find it difficult to label their sexual orientation, especially if transgender women are involved. I asked myself what makes it difficult? Most material points to society’s refusal to accept the identity of the transgender as a woman.
Now, let’s go back to the question. Am I gay because I have feelings toward transgender women? No. To help you out, just don’t mind the word transgender. After all, a transgender woman although born male is a woman who identifies and lives as such. Like most, they embrace femininity in their heart and soul. Her gender identity has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.
After my 28th birthday, I can say with certainty and confidence that I am a straight because I think, feel, and act like a man and I am attracted to someone who thinks, feels, and acts like a woman. This is the best gift I gave myself this year.